Confusion in clarity

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Meanwhile, I’m staying in my third temporary-home in two months. Feeling quite a bit wiser. Or not? Seeing how others have build their lives and home is refreshing. At the same time it confronts me. How do I wish to fill in my life myself? What remains of my old values? What concessions do I make? Do I want to monitor bounderies? And what do I need? All these questions seem to come in mind more now that I’m homeless. And lead in necessary interactions with my environment …
The feeling of gratitude fulfills me every time I cross a new doorstep. Especially the way people open their privat home space to me. Some people I know for a long time, others just shortly. Confidence is what binds us. How magnificent to live this way.

It is striking how the surrounding influences me. Not just the house itself. But especially the landscape around it. From the west again to the east I notice a more hilly landscape. The hills, the forest alternating with fields affect me. More than I expected. I feel more at home. In myself. That’s what nature does for me. Not entirely new, but a good insight nevertheless.

Contact with my environment seems to lie under a magnifying glass. Conversations make more impact. Offer substance to think about. What do I stand for? And why? How does that relate to others? Living habits are also more clear. Do I ‘agree’ with other people’s habitats? Or do I get up and do it differently? And what does that do to the relationship with the other person? Confusion. What’s happening here now? In relation to others, I threaten to lose myself somewhere in the line. The downside of a strong emphatic power. Only awareness gives me clarity. So I can return to my own essence. This is a old pattern that ones served me. But it is time to release it now.

Even stronger, I feel the urge to meditate, excercise alone in nature (where I have nice encounters with numerous beautiful animals) on one hand and seek contact on the other hand. Finding new balance between being still and being  busy appears to be necessary. At every address it takes a couple of days to get adjusted. And I allow myself to take that time.

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