Life according to (my) truth

This post is also available in: Nederlands (Dutch)

Looking back on a special year in my life. My nomadic existence has come to an end. For a while, anyway (you never now what the future holds). Over ten temporary-homes, seven regiones, many houseplants and gardens, five cats and one dog, I came across. Suddenly there was the desire to put my feet down for a longer period of time. No more traveling with my household on my back. I expressed this desire and it opened a door. Just like that. This is the way life has provides for me these last years.

This time it was a door of a old monastery in the hills of the southern part of Holland; Limburg. What a gift. An antique and unique space. To look after and use. Totally in line with the way I feel, because owning property or having a lot of stuff is still not my desire. And problably never again. Sober excistence and I go well together. Simplicity and humbleness are perhaps the most beautiful lessons I have learned. Be with what is, what life provides. Just like the crying buddha, Orang Mula, showes. Who is now watching the entrance of my new home.

What did this nomad way of living brought me this year? It made me free. Free from conditioning. At least, for a large part. My so-called ‘received wisdom’ needed replacement. Needed further research. Ultimately, it’s the experiences that make personal realization real. Feelings are tools to experience that reality. My reality. Awareness of my feelings and thoughts increased. I did not hold and preserve those feelings and thoughts, but observed them. And at the same time, I felt these feelings become more intense and more subtle …

And indeed I’ve experienced life in a grand way. Detachment. No’ hard core’  to cling to. Home, relationship and workplace I left behind. Not knowing where I would sleep from one week to the next.  It made me start to feel the need to control. While this ‘doing’, paradoxically, only frustrates life.  Therefore I needed to trust. Surrender. Be. And also getting involved, or better said, use the opportunities that arise. So I always found myself a warm bed. And I grew stronger in this way of existence by every step I took. More and more I saw subtle clues on my path. Inparently small gifts proved te be much bigger. Feelings went deeper, became more nuanced.

And now, the ‘colour’ of feeling does not really matter that much anymore. In that I am also more detached. It is about the intensity of the moment. There lies the true wealth, the joy. Life in fullness, without retentions. My ‘received wisdom’ has been replaced by ‘experienced wisdom’. Life according to truth. My truth. That’s how I live now. At present. And I can recommend it to everyone …

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